The land of sunshine, warmth, and a lot of trouble
And then, this happened…
I was sixteen, married, baby on board, and back in Indiana, while my parents were living in Florida! Rude awakening!
Oops, back up. I forgot to tell you about Florida. Dad transferred to Florida for his job, while we, my mom and me, waited in Indiana for me to finish the school year. But finish wasn’t meant to be. One of my major screw-ups happened instead. My mom (bless her heart) reached into my jacket pocket looking for a lighter (yeah, I smoked at 16, maybe 14, but who’s counting?) and to her surprise she pulled out a small plastic bag of marijuana! She was devastated, disappointed and distraught! Called my daddy immediately and it was decided we would come to Florida much sooner than expected to get me away from the “bad influence of my friends”. So halfway through my Junior year we moved to Daytona Beach. I had already met my first husband by then and was head over heels in love. On his spring break he came down to visit me. The rest makes the pot episode seem mild. While he was visiting our love, could not, would not be contained, if you get my drift.
When the doctor confirmed my parents’ suspicions, I was devastated, as were they. But we did what we needed to do (popular belief back in the old days, although my free-thinking parents did give me options I just couldn’t even think about them). We got married and moved back to Indiana.
This was my introduction to “real” life. Married life! Adult life! I so wasn’t prepared. Every argument, disagreement or fight (and there were many) broke me. I fixed the situation by bending instead of breaking. I began my life of giving away control to a man. I would soon have a beautiful son and I had to think of him. I wanted him raised like I was raised, both parents in a solid marriage. I was seventeen by this time and naive about how that works. I thought if that was what I wanted, I would get it, that’s the way life had worked for me so far. That concept lasted a few years until the arguments, disagreements and fights started again. FOR 17 YEARS we did this. Not little fights. We stood toe-to-toe and fist-to-fist all in front of the kids. This is my biggest regret. While I had my parents’ solid relationship as my model, my kids had a horrible example of parents.
The moral of this part of the story is two-sided. First, don’t make mistakes you can’t handle that involve others. Second, don’t bend yourself to fit another’s ideal partner. I guess there are three lessons here. Most importantly, DON’T stay together for the children.
Senior White Female 